Yesterday I had my second appointment at the Vumc. I actually had this appointment earlier this month but it was cancelled by the psychologist.

This time I went there by myself, since I had to be there at 10:00hrs. I don’t really like this time, because it means I have to travel early (and also without discount) by train, and it’s not cheap to travel from my hometown towards Amsterdam.

Anyway, I arrived there on time. Last time the conversation was a sort of introduction and getting to know each other. This time we talked about my past, from childhood until approx. The age of 20. About how I felt that time, what was going on, about school and private life. We didn’t discussed anything about sexual encounters or interests yet, so we might do that at the next appointment. But the next appointment I also have to bring my partner along.

After telling everything, the psychologist thought it was all intense to hear about all of this. He also called me a ‘lonely getter’ (dutch: eenzame doorzetter), no matter how hard it was, because I never gave up on several private things, even though I went through all of it by myself. I never was able to talk about my feelings to anyone and about what was happening in my life, and kept everything to myself. Bottling this up, until I couldn’t go through. He also thought I was (and sounded) very gloomy after listening to me and what I had told him, and I had to agree. Especially the last 10 years have been very hard for me. I don’t dare to say that I am depressed for all those years, but those years weren’t easy as I felt (and often still feel) terrible, sad and down, and had very dark thoughts about hurting myself (not suicide though). I also told him that in the time between these two appointments I had broken down twice, and that I was still worrying about the fear of being rejected after diagnostics will end. He reassured me once again (multiple times) that I don’t have to worry about that, and that I have to let go of this fear. He also said that if he had to say of he would ‘pass’ me the green light, he would certainly let me go through the whole process. So that was a huge relief! We also joked about several things and then it was time, the hour was over. We said our goodbyes and I went off to the train station again.

My next appointment is is June, so I have plenty of time left to finish my lifestory. It’s hard to write that, emotionally but also because I have quite the bad memory. But I will do my best to write down everything that is needed to know.


4 thoughts on “[27.4.2013]

  1. Danielle -

    Don’t worry to much about your life story, write what you think is meaningfull. I did it on chronologic order and it got more and more detailed towards the end.

  2. Cain -

    Hey Damíën~!
    I didn’t notice you posted this before, so late reaction. Your Psych sounds like a nice one, they all are, though. Which is good. Don’t you feel like they really listen? And, that they care. That was my first thought after going through this process. I agree with Danielle, write whatever you feel like writing. Don’t force yourself. I think it’s more to how you feel about it, your life and how you know it. Mine was rather short, I added some pictures and the likes. They like that, pictures! You’ll do great~.

    1. King_Chaos -

      My psych is a nice one indeed. They all are so kind and sweet there, which is great! I feel much more at ease with them. They do listen, and it makes me feel alot better to know and see that they care. They all are so caring (^_^) I’m deff. not forcing myself with the lifestory, I think I will continue on it soon, since it’s still not finished. Oeh, you added pics? Not sure if I would do that as well, but it’s a good idea!


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