So I’m 8 months on testosteron now.
So far I haven’t seen any new changes this past month. The only problem I have is that I get more irritated about everything. The past month it has been getting much worse than other months, and I can’t really deal with it anymore at the moment. I feel like smashing everything and everyone, and I’ve never been such a violent person. I feel like I can’t relax anymore. Even when I try. I get irritated or angry about the smallest things, things I normally didn’t get upset about. I remember my doctor saying my testosteron level was too high, last time they checked my blood, so that might explain everyting. (plus the fact we have a douchebag underneighbour). But I fear that the next time I’m at the genderclinic I need to lower my dose. I don’t want to do that because I want as many changes I can possibly get in this first year (since passing is very important to me). I’ve also used orgametril for the past month, so now I need to try and stop taking them for a while to see if the bloodloss has stopped. I really hope so!
I honestly can’t wait for the RLE (real life experience) to end. After I finish the RLE I’m getting discussed by a team whether I qualify for operations (physically and emotinally). Then, I will be put on a waitinglist. Currently the waitinglist for chest surgery is 2 months, so that’s not too bad, though I want to combine it with the removal of my uturus and overies, so the waiting might be a little longer, but we’ll see. I just simply can’t wait to say goodbye to my stupid binder.
One positive thing: I’m passing more than previous months, though not always. Been called ‘miss’ once this past month, but other than that I’m passing quite well. It’s something right?
When I looked at some photo’s of me at a event, I couldn’t believe it was me. I can barely recognise myself anymore. Seems like I still need to get used to how I look nowadays. But I suppose that’s a good thing, because in my experience I feel like I’m not looking like a guy that much, but when I look at certain photo’s I can see a guy. Anyway, this was my monthly update on testosteron. I hope things will get better soon, and that I can deal with everything a bit better.